Friday, March 28, 2008


Sooner or later a decision will be made – whether my contract will be renewed or not. Or I can make a decision too, whether to stay or not (yes, I applied for 2 companies already but no feedback yet, lol).

Two days ago, an officemate of mine, a fellow expat, asked me which one I prefer, to leave Thailand first or be left behind. I told him, I prefer the former. Sending off a loved one / friend is emotionally a notch higher. That question was a sort of wake-up call, a reality check.

Expats live in a temporary world – always changing, unstable. The bond you establish is impermanent too. After the final farewell, though you hope that one day, you’ll gonna meet again; everything will be just a memory. But thanks to the power of email, it can help refresh those memories once in a while. A bit. LOL!

I learned to love Thailand. It’s a beautiful country with beautiful people. I love my room too. For almost a year, my room is kingdom. Though I must admit that staying in a hotel for a year can be boring too! At least I was pampered and wasn’t able to wash and iron my clothes and with free breakfast too. One of the best benefit I ever had!



The calendar confirms the date,
curtains hush
and webs hide against the kisses
of dried brown hairs.

Sheets silently weep,
comfort the pillows
longing for warmth.

Air dries the tears
on the window pane,
and a lamp had its last wink.

Last drops of the faucet
wish luck,
a mirror stares
to nothingness.

The door closes;
another storyends.


I am easily attached to the place I stayed-in. But as I said, its not permanent. Soon, I will be closing its door for the last time.

Time is sprinting and I am watching.



  1. Having spent a lot of time working in foreign countries with long months in hotels, I understand what you're writing about. The farewell from your hotel room is creative and sweet. My hotel rooms always said, "Thank God he's gone, it smells like a three alarm fire in here."

  2. I have only moved from one state to another in Australia and have made just one overseas trip. But I still remember the last hollow moments of each move and still feel the moment when I left Canada after only 2 weeks there.

    That moment is when a part of you is torn between leaving and staying. In the process, I believe a little really does remain behind.


  3. I wish you all the luck for your move. Go forward. Don't look back.

    word by word

  4. I have spent much of my life living and working in foreign parts - and I wouldn't have had it any other way. It was good to settle back home again though.

  5. nice picture and poem...good luck!

  6. Totomai,

    Where ever the road will take you after this closure, I'm sure it will take you to another life's high.

    Indeed, we are but transient inhabitants in this life, there is always that certain feeling of impermanence until we find our home.

    Like you, until now, I too, am still searching home.

    Good luck and

    I wish you well.

    ~ Jeques

  7. I've always wanted to visit Thailand. I've heard it's a beautiful place and I love Thai food!

    Loved your poem too btw. Thanks for sharing!

  8. I am easily attached to the place I stayed-in. But as I said, its not permanent. Soon, I will be closing its door for the last time.

    Yeah, I experienced the same thing when I was on a 3-month business trip in Warsaw... The apartment I stayed in was great, 2 bedrooms, huge living room, nice bathroom, and it was right in the middle of the commercial area. Nakakamiss!

    Here's to hoping we find more opportunities in life! :D

  9. I love the personification you used in this poem! It's unique and fresh! Very enjoyable! Sad, too, though.

  10. I hope you get what you want, Mr Totomai.

  11. enjoyed your post.. always enjoyed traveling.. the closure of one place the opening of another... have not left the states for awhile... it is good to be home...

  12. ah, the bittersweet feeling of longing to go forward, go back and to stay...good luck!


any thoughts to distill?

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