Sunday, January 25, 2009


Winter is just around the corner. Despite having a chilling breeze, there's still no snow in my area but in other parts of Japan, its already a white world. Its always a torture wearing layers of clothings, especially going to work.


It used to be my third favorite season, but now, its my least favorite one. The weather is so sad, sadder than autumn (my favorite season). Shades of whites and blacks are just too plain for my eyes. If only had the power to extend autumn and spring and limit winter for a week, I would gladly do it.

The season also reminds me of one of my heartbreaks. Putting an end to a relationship while the snow is falling was simply devastating. There's really no one to blame on both ends, its just the way it is. End of chapter. But sometimes I thought, if only both of us were patient and understanding, who knows, we are still together. Ah, one of the challenges of long-distance relationships. If only I had time to go back in the particular moment, I should have stayed in Japan and took the risk of looking a permanent job here. And if only I was ready to settle down at that time, but my responsiblity with my family was my number one priority then. No regrets actually. Winter just brings me back to the past. Haha! If only I had the time to explain to her that love can wait, if only. Break-ups, regrets are like frozen times. And as for our last kiss, it was colder than ice.

Frozen Times

The clouds fall from the skies,
light, melancholic and yearning;
dancing with the wind
uninspired and no rhythm.

Frigid trees hold back glacial
tears, as clouds kiss their hairs.
Mute birds, still as statues,
pray for warmth.

Alone, the chair rocks
silent lullabies hush everyone
to sleep. The flames die down,
world is white and
will never melt.


Looks like this memory won't melt as long as winter exists. My friends always say, time to move on. Its been a couple of years already. I tell them, yes I will, when there's only three seasons left.



  1. i thought spring is coming next?

    ang lungkot naman ng winter memories mo :(

  2. yes, after winter, spring is coming next.

    oo lungkot nga tukayo. haha. na stuck na ako sa winter memories na to hehe

  3. Pagbati, well done, esp. like "uninspired... no rhythm", Salamat, KiteHorse

  4. thanks kitehorse! are you filipino too?

  5. cge lang, okay lang yan..

    you're sure to find someone to ward off the winter chill the next time winter rolls around =)

  6. The mix of story and poem create a wonderful piece of music! This really reaches deep into the reflective soul! Beautiful!

  7. thanks aki :-) hehe oo nga, baka bigla na lang susulpot yun.

    @Gemma, thank you so much. How are you? its been a while..

  8. Only 2 seasons here - hot and wet & hot and dry (as you know).
    Sawasdee pi mai

  9. kaphon krub nong stan, i miss thailand

  10. I think the relationship between mood (and behavior) and season is remarkable. You capture it well. The pain is palpable.

  11. thanks Sandy. the pain is still haunting me. lol

  12. hahaha! ma drama talaga buhay mo mai... parang winter sonata ba... pero cge lang mai ganyan talaga eh... just keep smiling!

  13. haha, hayaan mo lav, malapit lapit na. pede na tong isang telenovela o pelikula hehe

  14. Hmmm, emotive therapy? Couple of years? Take time to feel the leisure of pain, Kuya. Baka me, for how long years na :p That bench, summertime, Ayala-Cebu... Until I don't want to go back Cebu, the place too unbecoming for me already. And I don't want to remember the last kiss; 'Twas the sweetest sorrow. I'm really mangled with the last hug too. Sigh, sigh, sigh...

    I don't have any regrets, however loving and being loved was the most fulfilling experience I've had. Yet I can't put into words until now how beautiful our story was. I guess I was so shocked at the break up, or still denying how it ended in a tight warm hug sealed with a kiss.

    First love, first heartache... at 20? It's no big deal???

  15. A moment, a memory frozen in time. In a way, I hope this memory never melts, because it so bittersweet.


  16. @mariale, baka maubos na ang buhok sa feel the pain na yan di pa din mawawala. alam ko na since bumalik ako sa japan, mas lalong sasariwa ang sugat. haha.

    hope you heal soon too. :-) yung sa akin lang di ko sya first love, haha

    i dont have any regrets too.

    @will, oh, but i still hope it will melt slowly in order for me to move on :-)

  17. Sometimes we think our pain is uniquely tragic but reading your beautiful poem comforts me that I'm not alone. I especially liked "frigid trees hold back glacial tears"

  18. Don't know which I like best, the dialogue or the poem, as it seems to me, one melds with the other.

    Relationships are the stuff poems are made of ... write on!

  19. The best of both worlds - poetry and prose - and very moving.

  20. I do like your thoughts interspersed with poetry here. I can relate to thinking if only we were patient and understanding, we would still be together. But I have also ended chapter.. And am moving on.

    you are quite the poet. my favorite is the 2nd stanza.

  21. This is beautifully written, well done!

  22. I like how your prose reflects and adds to the poetry so well!

    Beautiful and sad!

  23. Well said. I am in a long distance relationship and the space seems to tax me heavily these days. I find winter doesn't help with the distance. Though we are not broken up, and are still promising a future together, I wonder if the distance will keep this promise from us.

    I just want spring.

  24. i don't care much for winter,, and have been fortunate enough to live at least my adult life in areas of my country that do not have snow... we do however,, here in northern california where i am now much gray and gloom most winters... but this one thus far has been mild.. just one real week of gray and rain so far this year...

    lovely piece....

  25. Life is ruled by seasons. The hardest part is winter - imho. Ringing words that evoke a deep sadness - but spring will return.

  26. @haikutuna, thats comforting. thanks a lot

    @Amias and Deborah, thanks :-)

    @floreta,i guess i definitely need to move on. thanks for dropping by

    @Geraldine and Linda, thanks too!

    @Gogo, all the best for you and your loved one. Just try to hold on. :-)

    @paisley and TW, ah yes, the scent of spring. cant wait for it

  27. As I read this poem...I could see it as a very moving bittersweet love story movie.
    Fine as a movie but rough when it is (real) life.

  28. totomai--

    What a lovely, melancholy mood you set with this piece.

    Hopefully there will be some new joy, some new love that will change the chemistry that you have with the winter...

    Thanks for this sweet piece!

  29. "putting an end to a relationship while the snow is falling was simply devastating" - saan ko nakita ang ganito? ahh sa Winter Sonata! Andrama mo talaga! :-)

  30. @Maggie, you are right. too harsh in the real life

    @Beth, I hope positive energy will come soon

    @Attorney, hayaan mo na. winter e. teka ano yung winter sonata? telenovela?

  31. So sad but so beautifully expressed. Great photo too!

    Hugs, G

  32. i am very taken by your wise words at the end...moving on in due time.

  33. wow, totomai... a beautiful post... love how you set up the cold of everyday winter with the freeze of the last kiss.. chilling... is it better to have experienced love than not at all... i say yes, yes, yes...

  34. "as for our last kiss, it was colder than ice" Oh boy, somehow I knew I would like this. Every stanza, captivating. Nice work..I'm there, ha-

  35. @QDB and Tammy, thanks

    @OMB, oh yes. at least i tried, right? lol

    @Regina Marie, thanks too

  36. they say winter makes you depressed and sad, this is why winter has the highest suicide rate in terms of season

  37. I've always wanted to experience winter. It's a little saddening though that while one like me who has never seen winter relates it to a jolly and white Christmas, others who have already seen and experienced it feel otherwise.


any thoughts to distill?

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