Saturday, March 14, 2009

Destiny

Two Sundays ago, I attended a mass and just before the final blessing, the commentator made an announcement. The choir's pianist, a Japanese young lady (sorry, I missed the name), told everyone that it will be her last day as she will be embarking on a new journey. She will enter the nunnery. I personally don't know her, but by the way she speaks, she seems so happy about her decision.

After hearing the applause of the audience, a not-so-distant-memory came rushing back.

I've been an idealist, especially when it comes to relationship. I thought, your partner will be yours forever. No one can take her away from you. But I was wrong. I was in love then and our relationship was solid. No fightings, no jealousies, (well maybe those made it boring, lol), just pure love and understanding. I never thought our bond will be broken by another man. I didn't complain, I listened to her and accepted her decision. She's been a two-timer, and she couldn't stand it anymore. Tears flowed down from her face, and after she saw acceptance on my face, she gave me an angelic smile. I hugged her and wished her good luck on the decision and may she be happy and contented with her chosen man. I lost the battle but not quite. I can only whisper, farewell, my love.


remembrance

In Her Wedding Dress

She exudes an angelic aura,
past enthralled the witnesses
and me.

Her veil reveals
smiles and tears ;
walks solemnly towards the altar.

Head towards heaven,
she responds I do
an affirmation
to a life of poverty,
chastity and obedience

and to a love
that will never be mine.

/totomai


Yes, she entered the nunnery and I just can't wrestle against her calling. Its her destiny. All I can do is give my full support and my understanding and love.

I learned a lot from that relationship. I am now more a realist, and I have to say, more mature (I believe so). And in every relationship I am in, I consider it special.

Be it today, or in the near future.



/totomai
03/14/09

49 comments:

  1. verrry interesting. i'm not good at talking about the future either. hehe. thanks for sharing this memory.

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  2. maybe. i'll be a priest too :-)

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  3. A touching personal post totomai... Indeed, the future is beyond our eyes to see... I believe that each of us carries a finger writing of God in our hearts - His calling. Your former significant other and the pianist in your church may have found and read that finger writing and have CHOSEN to respond to it... We may call it "destiny", but "destiny" will really leave our basic gift of free will violated... I belive that both of them made a free choice... Each of us has a different calling, and saying yes is not always easy - but that "yes" will consumate our life's purpose... May we find our true calling... :)

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  4. Thanks Mark, yeah I know, its beyond our control. Everything is planned by Him right? Maybe we already find that calling but we are not yet ready to respond to it. Maybe.

    Thanks for dropping by and for sharing your thoughts.

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  5. Perhaps the moral to this touching personal story is that the future is truly unforeseeable. One can't rush it either. It's a little like ripening fruit: one must give it time to mature.

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  6. sometimes i think, "come what may" is very applicable. thanks GS!

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  7. 'The best laid plans of mice and men...' Amazing that our plans have such little consequence in the big picture. Good post!

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  8. na touch nman ako sa blog mo... na alala ko tuloy yung past ko... hahaha!

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  9. One cannot argue with destiny, or a vocation. It's very sad when this happens though.

    Beautifully written, and I love the poem in the middle.

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  10. This is very beautiful. I admire this choice of women. I know several nuns, and they are so committed to their work, which is the world around them, and they do all that they do with a singular, peaceful mind. Still, it must be painful to see a friend take herself out of the routine of life.

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  11. @TW, you are correct indeed, thanks

    @lav, buti na lang di si rey mahilig magbasa ng blog haha

    @Jay, yes, its beyond our control

    @Sandy, yes, especially if she was your ex :(

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  12. How many of us are open to our own destiny?
    I think we drive to much and walk to little on our journeys.
    It's the walk that gives us the time to see what could be, what will never be. and what already was.
    Your entry really touched me.
    TJ

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  13. i think you loved her so much you let her go. :) very sincere. very nice :)

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  14. lovely poem, some times letting go is the best for all.

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  15. @TJ, indeed, i think we are not brave enough to accept our fate / destiny. thanks

    @Kikit, very much but i've move on already lol

    @Sue, if thats the only option...

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  16. What a touching post...the poem was beautiful. Your outlook on life is very wise and mature.

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  17. Nicely told story of the ebb and flow of knowing and loving.

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  18. @FP, thanks. I hope so, lol, there are times that I feel so childish haha

    @Deborah, thanks :-)

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  19. Wow, such a post, and such a memory to share. Your poem was a lovely finish to it all.

    I've always admired those who choose a religious life, though I never made that step myself. Lost a few loves along the way, however, and your story touched me deeply. Thanks for sharing it.

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  20. This is such an uncommon and amazing tale and so well written. The way you are responding to your friend feels like 'real love'.

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  21. The photo is wonderfully evocative.

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  22. priest ka dyan! me age limit po sa seminaryo, hehehehe!

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  23. you have some great photos.
    i need to come back and view your blogs.

    Found you when googling myself about the Best Job in the World.

    Rafaelito
    www.islandreefjob.com/rafaelito

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  24. @Susan, Tammie and Roswila, thanks. she was very brave to accept her calling

    @atty, haha, di na ba pede, sayang

    @rafaelito, thanks and good luck on the job search. :-)

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  25. man! don't worry someday someone's gonna take her place in your heart.. your a nice person I admire you for being such

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  26. thanks. hehe. sana before ako umabot ng 40 haha

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  27. When I was about 20, someone took away my vows to join the monastery. I eranestly prayed for discernment that time if I were for the kind of seclusion. But He gave me someone instead. Yet in the end, He have other reasons I guess that, that we had to let each other go. Hay, I still can't utterly elaborate about 'that-ever-first'... Anyway, I am always praying for guidance which path I would go. I just don't think I'm ready this time. I have so many things to sort out within myself. I want to be fully ready when I'll answer His call.

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  28. take your time kapatid, who knows, malalaman mo din sooner kung ano ang nakalaan sa yo. just enjoy kung san ka ngayon hehe

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  29. wow. that's a unique turn in the journey. lost to god.

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  30. she can choose another man, or finally surrenders only to God. this sounds like a soothing and honest way of making peace with yourself when you're losing the one you love. all i know that everything in this world is temporary. when u lose something, u get.

    this is very deep and beautiful, totomai :)

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  31. Thanks khargosh. yes, i know. something's in store for me hehe

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  32. may ganito ka palang love story. bakit di mo naikwento nung nagkita-kita tayo? eh di sana nag sharing na lang tayo ng mga sawi nating dating pag-ibig

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  33. @aleng, ok lang yun hehe salamat

    @tukayo, toinks, ikaw pa mabibigo. ako lang yun haha

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  34. This picture and your words went straight to my heart.

    You are really talented both with words and the camera.
    This is my first visit at your site, but I will come back for sure.

    You make me think and seems to be a photographer that just don't 'snap'.
    You think and I love when people use all their creativity.

    Thank you for sharing your story!
    And I wish you a great start of the new week.

    Anna

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  35. Thanks Vita, your words humbled me. I am deeply touched.

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  36. This must me my favourite this week!! the picture, the words, everything, a great post.

    Great week to you from Anne in Norway.

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  37. Thanks Anne. :-) Really appreciate your visit

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  38. Beautiful in every way! Photo is so delicate :)

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  39. What a beautiful photo, so serene.

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  40. This is so thought provoking and soul searching and the image is so delicate. Very personal post.

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  41. I'm going to mention the photo! As soon as I saw it I thought of 'Namaste' ~ a symbolic summation of the whole post! Beautiful!

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  42. @Regina, thanks

    @Gemma, wow, thanks :-)

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  43. This is very beautiful, and the most beautiful thing of all was your loving acceptance of her decision. That is truly love, withought thought of self. That shows you have a very beautiful heart. Beautiful post,thank you so much for sharing this.

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any thoughts to distill?

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