Sunday, June 27, 2010

Clown

I think in my past life I was a clown. Or maybe I am destined to be a clown. If I won’t be a successful engineer perhaps I can change my profession being a clown.

A funny imagination.

My 3-week vacation back to the Philippines was already fixed when I received a devastating news about my newborn niece. I knew everyone in our family was heartbroken and in pain and being the eldest I have to comfort them in any way I can. I have to be strong for them and every time the tragedy was mentioned, I kept on diverting the topic to lighter ones. Being the family’s clown, you have to cheer them up no matter what the situation is.

lonely

a facial ochre
veils sentiments in colors
hidden gloominess

During my stay there, I was able to scan through our family albums and my college yearbook. I saw one of my kindergarten pictures, maybe it was during our Christmas presentation, and I was one of the clowns. I should have scanned that photo (in red and white clown costume).

Also, I was surprised reading some comments on my yearbook page that shouts, “totomai, the class clown” and the likes. So, yeah, I guess I am a clown in my own fantasy world. I always try to be strong in difficult times be it a family matter, or a school one or work-related. It is not a way of escaping from the situation but rather I see it as an opportunity to give the affected a renewed confidence and comfort.

But do you know that clowns have off-days too?

/totomai
06/27/10

21 comments:

  1. The ability to lighten a dark moment is a gift. A healing gift. One to be cherished.

    Elizabeth

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  2. Laughter is the greatest medicine of all. Clowns are not as scary as people believe them to be. Great post! Thanks for sharing!

    -Weasel

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  3. What a heart-breaking post and a heart-breaking haiku. Your poem expresses your grief. My prayers for you and your family.

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  4. So very sorry for your family's loss.

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  5. I know another clown, and sometimes she is very sad. I think that happens to clowns. I, too, am sorry for the loss of your niece. Very sad. I very much enjoyed your haiku.

    http://troublebeingstrong.blogspot.com/2010/06/to-have-wings-of-bird.html

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  6. nicely done indeed...thanks for this

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  7. Behind every clown's mask there is a tear or two.

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  8. It does all that and reminds us we are of the earth. Best to laugh!

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  9. A clown is a very valuable member of society. And your haiku is moving. Thankyou.
    ViV

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  10. This is so sad.

    http://thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com

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  11. @elizabeth, i know but sometimes its too hard also

    @weasel, yeah, sometimes i wonder, why children are afraid of clowns...

    @Andree and Mary, thanks. hugs

    @Diane, but as they say, no matter what, the show must go on

    @wayne thanks

    @stan, sometimes 3 lol

    @sandy, absolutely right on

    @viviene thanks

    @laughingHF, not really :-)

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  12. Never lets the energy go down
    And then to be termed a clown..

    I can understand. Hats Off to your positivity..Very beautifully expressed.. Your visit to my page has delighted me.. Thanks a lot..

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  13. I am so sorry for your families loss! so sad.
    your poem honors feelings in a tender way. wishing you all grace.

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  14. Oh, so sorry. Glad you have the magic touch of healing and laughter to help yourself and others through the dark.

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  15. @Ramesh, each one of has that positive energy :-)

    @Tammie, thanks a lot

    @TW, i think you have that gift also :-)

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  16. hope your visit back was nice! i'm not sure why people don't like clowns much or are scared of them.

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  17. It is a great gift to be able to uplift in times of sorrow. Reminds me of Barbra Streisand's song "Send in the Clowns" - it's heart-wrenching to hear someone beg for relief. Still, one must always remember that you cannot uplift if you yourself are not uplifted. Even a clown, at times, needs a time to cry. The nice thing is, clowns rarely are comfortable staying there.

    Beautifully expressed post. And I am sorry about your niece. Peace to you and your family.

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  18. clowns are one of the most professional entertainers of all time. and you know why.

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  19. Great read but I do so hate clowns. Well done.


    Melanie

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  20. hello, who knew that you would be there that moment with overflowing sincerity and inner strength as the eldest to fill the emptiness of your families loss... i am sure your family is very appreciate that you were there... now as a clown i would have never known yr alter ego... hidden well within your beautiful fotos...

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  21. @Janet nice to hear from you again. it was good but at the same time sad...

    @aniemaura, i liked that song too. it's poignant

    @tukayo, i know :-) :-(

    @Cassiopeia, why?

    @OMB, a perfect timing i guess

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