Sunday, June 27, 2010


I think in my past life I was a clown. Or maybe I am destined to be a clown. If I won’t be a successful engineer perhaps I can change my profession being a clown.

A funny imagination.

My 3-week vacation back to the Philippines was already fixed when I received a devastating news about my newborn niece. I knew everyone in our family was heartbroken and in pain and being the eldest I have to comfort them in any way I can. I have to be strong for them and every time the tragedy was mentioned, I kept on diverting the topic to lighter ones. Being the family’s clown, you have to cheer them up no matter what the situation is.


a facial ochre
veils sentiments in colors
hidden gloominess

During my stay there, I was able to scan through our family albums and my college yearbook. I saw one of my kindergarten pictures, maybe it was during our Christmas presentation, and I was one of the clowns. I should have scanned that photo (in red and white clown costume).

Also, I was surprised reading some comments on my yearbook page that shouts, “totomai, the class clown” and the likes. So, yeah, I guess I am a clown in my own fantasy world. I always try to be strong in difficult times be it a family matter, or a school one or work-related. It is not a way of escaping from the situation but rather I see it as an opportunity to give the affected a renewed confidence and comfort.

But do you know that clowns have off-days too?



  1. The ability to lighten a dark moment is a gift. A healing gift. One to be cherished.


  2. Laughter is the greatest medicine of all. Clowns are not as scary as people believe them to be. Great post! Thanks for sharing!


  3. What a heart-breaking post and a heart-breaking haiku. Your poem expresses your grief. My prayers for you and your family.

  4. So very sorry for your family's loss.

  5. I know another clown, and sometimes she is very sad. I think that happens to clowns. I, too, am sorry for the loss of your niece. Very sad. I very much enjoyed your haiku.

  6. nicely done indeed...thanks for this

  7. Behind every clown's mask there is a tear or two.

  8. It does all that and reminds us we are of the earth. Best to laugh!

  9. A clown is a very valuable member of society. And your haiku is moving. Thankyou.

  10. This is so sad.

  11. @elizabeth, i know but sometimes its too hard also

    @weasel, yeah, sometimes i wonder, why children are afraid of clowns...

    @Andree and Mary, thanks. hugs

    @Diane, but as they say, no matter what, the show must go on

    @wayne thanks

    @stan, sometimes 3 lol

    @sandy, absolutely right on

    @viviene thanks

    @laughingHF, not really :-)

  12. Never lets the energy go down
    And then to be termed a clown..

    I can understand. Hats Off to your positivity..Very beautifully expressed.. Your visit to my page has delighted me.. Thanks a lot..

  13. I am so sorry for your families loss! so sad.
    your poem honors feelings in a tender way. wishing you all grace.

  14. Oh, so sorry. Glad you have the magic touch of healing and laughter to help yourself and others through the dark.

  15. @Ramesh, each one of has that positive energy :-)

    @Tammie, thanks a lot

    @TW, i think you have that gift also :-)

  16. hope your visit back was nice! i'm not sure why people don't like clowns much or are scared of them.

  17. It is a great gift to be able to uplift in times of sorrow. Reminds me of Barbra Streisand's song "Send in the Clowns" - it's heart-wrenching to hear someone beg for relief. Still, one must always remember that you cannot uplift if you yourself are not uplifted. Even a clown, at times, needs a time to cry. The nice thing is, clowns rarely are comfortable staying there.

    Beautifully expressed post. And I am sorry about your niece. Peace to you and your family.

  18. clowns are one of the most professional entertainers of all time. and you know why.

  19. Great read but I do so hate clowns. Well done.


  20. hello, who knew that you would be there that moment with overflowing sincerity and inner strength as the eldest to fill the emptiness of your families loss... i am sure your family is very appreciate that you were there... now as a clown i would have never known yr alter ego... hidden well within your beautiful fotos...

  21. @Janet nice to hear from you again. it was good but at the same time sad...

    @aniemaura, i liked that song too. it's poignant

    @tukayo, i know :-) :-(

    @Cassiopeia, why?

    @OMB, a perfect timing i guess


any thoughts to distill?

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